Learning How to Get Nailed
One of the great perks of a slow year of work has been the extra time to get right into surfing. I joke that I’ve spent the time learning how to get nailed by the swell and not freak out but it’s basically true. The beaches near me on the Mornington Peninsula are pretty rough most of the time. Ten days a year the sun is shining and the wind is light and I sit in the water feeling relaxed and magnificent waiting for gentle two- and three-foot waves to roll in. The rest of the time I’m some degree of terrified, battling the cold and the wind and the swell pretending I belong among the robust locals who actually know how to surf. I’ve learnt most of their names and some of them even talk to me now so, like, I’m a pretty big deal I guess. At least once every few weeks I enjoy a moment in the water thinking that I might die but so far so good.
If you’re not au fait like us old salty sea dogs, the impact zone is the scary place where all the big slabby waves are crashing and it’s preferable not to get stuck there. My new trick when I’m trying to paddle my way through, ducking under waves as they maliciously try to pulverize me, is to scream out “BORING!” at the point when I’m most terrified. It’s one of several techniques in my growing portfolio of ‘how to get nailed and not freak out.’ Maybe if you learn to surf in Noosa when every day is just delightful, you don’t learn these things. Maybe you get pretty good at actually surfing but what does that do for your character?
If the swell and all the other bullshit from the last year taught me anything, it’s that learning how to get nailed is actually pretty valuable. If I can find a way to calm down and take just a moment to think and make a slightly better decision, that’s actually pretty high level. The impact zone is the only place I’ve been able to learn that. Calm down. Make time. Think. I could have spared myself a lot of stress in the water, at home and at work with that winning combo. There are so many more options when you remember to think.
I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts yesterday, The Knowledge Project. Shane was interviewing Jim Collins, a researcher and author on business management. At one point, they were discussing speed and decision making and Jim made an interesting observation from his research. He said the best decision-makers first take the time to understand how long they have to make their decision before the risk factors begin to change. I liked that not just because making time resonated but because I love qualifying questions. Qualifying questions are a reminder to pay attention to the specifics because we have options in how we respond… quick and decisive, thoughtful and exploratory, consultative, experimental… It’s not just about slowing down when there is time, but creating space to think about how best to think about the situation. Thinking about thinking, or metacognition is seriously advanced shit.
Another good qualifying question I picked up from somewhere is asking if someone is looking for practical or emotional support. I’m much better at giving practical support and it’s my default. On the rare occasion I remember to ask, I remind myself there’s another option and I’m more likely to offer something helpful instead of just what I like to offer. I used to think people who came to me for support must be looking for something practical because I’m not really the emotional support guy. I now think it was a bit naïve to expect the world to only bring me problems I was uniquely designed to be helpful with. Also, that I should probably learn how to be emotionally supportive. (That’s another metacognitive practice I learned – I used to think… but now I think…).
Every day in the swell is different, and every wave. The sandbanks shift and the tides rise and fall. I’m pretty sure wind is involved and the intervals between waves… a whole bunch of things you can spend a lifetime getting your head around. Some days it all lines up so perfectly for me I really feel like I know what I’m doing out there. I like three-foot, peeling right-handers, warm water and glassy conditions but the really good surfers can make just about anything look easy. I’m a better chance of learning how to be emotionally supportive I reckon but for now I’m just enjoying getting out there, trying to keep my head and survive.